Ive been through alot of chaotic & traumatic events in my life & being a deep thinker I’ve probably made these negative events i’ve experienced more painful (or the positive events more pleasurable.)
Ive noticed that after certain traumatic or simply “bad” life experiences I later gained a deeper understanding of life & of myself that allowed me to grow. The common thread through all these life events where that they crushed parts of my ego.
Ive heard of destroying ones ego but never was versed on the subject. I always envisioned arrogant people building their egos like towers of Babel. In turn ive envisioned my ego as built in the form of a pyramid, large but solid of structure. Not having done any real research on ego death I naturaly realised events that have been painfully crushing to me also destroyed parts of my ego & this has allowed me to rebuild a stronger ego based on truth.
I see this as my developing a non illusory ego.
I understand I am but a mere mortal & reaching the goal of complete & consistent egolessness is a Christ like/Buddah like thing. I understand the state of our egos are important to our mental health & that the road to becoming egoless usually leads through insanity so the majority of people wont traverse this road.
I seemed to have happened upon this road & now must walk along it as far as I can in this life time.
Ive recently come to some life decisions & I recognize ive held onto certian jobs & positions inpart because of my ego thus Ive remained stagnant in areas of my life because of my “ego”
As I escape from the confines of my ego Ive been able to make “egoless” decisions & make better plans to elivate my spiritual standard of living