To See Part 1 click here -> http://wp.me/p3Mamg-4O
Black life in America is complicated thus Black relationships are complicated. No matter the level of consciousness I believe most Black people have a “the White man is against us” mentality so when we see one of us dating a White man or woman we feel that person is “sleeping with the enemy” and it strikes a special sore spot. In a nation that actually has racism woven through out its system and culture it can be said this country is set against us. In writing this 1st I have to state that I have been in and have many friends in bi-racial relationships and most of my White homies who grew up in the hood with me have Black wives or girlfriends. I love them all and do not hate on any person finding love where they can or “need to”. Yes “need to” because many Afro-American men and women feel that they cannot find a partner they can be happy with in their own race/culture thus “need” to look elsewhere. As a conscious Black man I recognize this as unhealthy and would seek to solve the issues behind this but as a human I toatally understand “needing” to be happy. I more hope to educate those who are on the fence or up & coming generations so they start dating they are aware of this issue & have tools to address it. Breaking up couples in commited interacial relationships is not my goal. I would hope to see any Black person choosing to date out side his or her race purely out of attraction but if you have issues with how the opposite sex of your own race treats you or thinks about you this is a problem. For example you see videos and blogs with titles like
“Swirl: Fed Up With Black Men? The Highs and Lows of Dating White Men”
Im a Black man and yeah blogs with this tone bother me. Its not about finding the other racial group attractive more so its about being “fed” up with the opposite sex of your own group. To be fair Black men play this game too and its bullshite.
I am taking a small step towards solving that problem by dialoging about it. Although I’ve dated interracial I’ve never done so because I found Black women unattractive or hated Black women. I feel we all should be able to say this but the truth of the matter far to many Afro Americans are filled with a self loathing. This is a video of a famous study originally done in the 50’s on how even as children the message “black is bad and white is good” has already been ingrained in children. When Afro American children grow up these feelings of inferiority have become heavily ingrained & no doubt affect our opinions of the opposite sex.
I stay in a very cosmopolitan city in an area that is still diverse but is rapidly losing its multi ethnic flavor. Nonetheless my city has a wide variety of ethnic groups still and in spite of prejudice and racism certain members of these groups will date and even intermarry. Over the past few years I began to noticed the increase in the number of Black female/White male couples. I thought “is this just me tripping or is this actually a trend on the upswing?” At 1st I did little as in researching this because for one I personal feel I know the reasons Blacks both male and female date/marry outside their race. The causation: Self hate induced by systemic racism, male misogynistic attitudes and the educational gap between Black women are primary reasons some Black men and women chose to date outside their race.
Of course you simply have people who have fallen in love with someone of a different ethnic group but if this was the primary reason the diatribes your hear from Black men about “Black women’s angry attitudes” and Black women complaining about “Black men putting them down, calling them unattractive ,cheating and lying to them” When you ask a White person why they date interracial they will say “i like brown skin,full lips or big——‘s” or something positive like that but when you ask most Black people why you get these negative diatribes about how the opposite sex treats them….to me that with in its self is pathological & needs fixing….immediately. There are a myriad videos on youtube by Black women defending their choice to date White men.
The funny thing is that I was directed to one video in particular by a White conservative I debate with a lot on the net. Im pretty sure he was trying to irk me but am actually glad he brought the vid to my attention.
It began my research deeper into the dysfunctional relationships between Black men & Black women. Actually I didn’t watch whole vid. Why? well because I knew where it was going once the 1st Black male Black female clips popped up. The way they contrasted the luvey dove Black Female/White Male couples and the angry combative Black male/female couples saddened me…thats the best word for the emotion I felt.
This Is YouTube Blogger Christelyn Karazin take on a video that went viral depicting healthy happy Black Female/White Male relationships and toxic Black relationships.
I also chose to write this blog because I disagree with this vids premise as to “why” Black women are more submissive ie: nicer to White men and as to the video question “Are Black Women more submissive to White Men?” I feel Black women who date interracially are nicer to White men and this goes beyond the “feel good” reasons given by Christelyn and other Black women who date or are in interracial relationships. The video Christelyn chose to address intention was to show how differently Black females act when they are with White partners as opposed to Black partners. The videos maker clearly was attempting to show how “frakked up” this is to Black men. Christelyn was more upset about peoples reactions to the video than the video itself. The video does show two extreme behaviors but I can honestly say its premise is true. Ive personally have had Black women off top speak to me with an attitude and turn around and speak to a White person in softer tones. If you understand the history and psychology of Black America there is a logical reason for this. Professional speaker author and blogger Nomalanga Moses (http://www.healthyblackwoman.com/category/nomalanga/ ) and Dr. Boyce Watkins ( http://boycewatkins.com ) gave an interesting breakdown of this phenomena.
The dynamics of interracial dating are complicated in regards to Blacks & Whites. Blacks live in a systemically racist system and the oppression with in the economic,judicial,educational,housing and employment arenas all negatively affects the Black psyche and to paraphrase Dr.Boyce Watkins:
“people are different in relationships based on their home environment,how they were raised if they had two parents in the house and everything was financially secure usually make better mates than someone who grew up surrounded by a lot of drama, statistically Whites don’t have the same problems Black have in their environment”
Another thing few fail to consider is the fact that most Black women who date White men on the average are more educated & or come from a different sub culture or background than much of Black america. This could simply be their home environment or that they’ve been raised in a primarily White neighborhood or town.
Black Women Students Far Outnumber Black Men at the Nation’s Highest-Ranked Universities
“The wide gender gap that prevails at all stages of African-American higher education extends to the student bodies at our nation’s highest-ranked universities.”
Educated Black women may feel they find more in common with their equally educated White counterparts more so than the smaller pool of educated Black men. Ive dated Black women who have had master degree’s but ex boyfriends were in jail. This points to the mass incarceration of Black males in America
“The Black Male Incarceration Problem Is Real and It’s Catastrophic”
Ive belonged to gangs but im also college educated & where I live & in America as a whole there are more Black ex cons than college graduates. Going to most colleges Black women will be surrounded by mostly White people thus a larger pool of White males to date from. The fact so few Black males make it to college further increases the disparity of educated Black women & the smaller pool of educated Black males. You also notice there are far more White male/Black female relationships than the stereotype of the Black man chasing White women. You also will see the regular White joe dating the prettiest Black women. The White guy doesn’t have to be a sports star just a White guy with a decent income & he can date a Black Barbie.
Dr. Umar Johnson also touches on the educational and employment gap as factors influencing Black women to disregard dating Black men
To jump to were Dr. Umar speaks on Black Relationships (at 4:50) click here: https://youtu.be/t1KCsgESSMU?t=4m54s
I feel this is a reflection of several facts beyond the obvious effects of negative social programming and effects of White supremacy -1st is that the White male is the dominant male overall in this society so thus 2nd The White male represents a higher social status to the Black woman even more so than what the White female represents to the Black male. Why? because White males have more power than White females or Black males in this society. Another factor is the long adversarial relationship between Black men & women fostered by slavery & centuries of racist oppression. I 1st write about it here in
Black Relationships (Frustrated Men,Angry Women)
To Quote myself:
“What I do know is that there is a sad & viscous dynamic between Black men & Black women. Both have been pitted against the other since slavery. During slavery Blacks were bred & a “buck” would impregnate as many women as he could. A male slaves wife could be raped by the master or other White at any time. Centuries of this have damaged Black relationships to this day. Black women have had to become stronger & more independent due to their mates inability to provide & protect them & their off spring. Black men learned to objectify Black women & run from responsibility in the face of situations & circumstances he could not control. The way many Black men have kids with several different women & many seem not to care about the offspring is a byproduct of the Buck mentality when the slave master would force the buck to breed with a female slave & eventually sell off the children. Male slaves had to learn to become detached” so today- “Black males have taken their frustration out on Black women in various ways (physical abuse, emotional abuse etc) Black women have developed a defense mechanism towards Black men & this is that attitude many project when dealing with Black men. Successful Black men wish to be treated like the brother in the documentary says “the man he knows he is” Black women perhaps even subconsciously are still in defense mode & still displaying the strength & independence she has needed to survive over the centuries without a man’s full support.”
I read a comment on youtube from a Black female stating she dates White men because they are nicer. You will hear some Black men say the same as in regards to the Black women’s attitude & the easier going demeanor of White or other women. The fact many Blacks are filled with a self hate that manifest on large & minute scales. This is a centuries old issue that sadly still plagues us. Many Blacks both men & women who choose to date or marry outside of their race/culture have at least some seed of this self hate that has been brutally ingrained in us for centuries. So I ask “why are we so mean to each other & how can we change this” I ask this because love is universal but one shouldn’t flee to another “tribe” because they hate their own tribe and or hate themselves.
As I’ve stated Im an educated conscious Afro American and I’m well versed in the dynamics of White Supremacy and the effects of systemic racism on the mind,body and soul of its targets. African Americans have long had a war waged against us and the family unit is our most crucial power base. If black men and women’s relationships continue to deteriorate this “family unit will be rendered powerless. Black America is in the worst state it has ever been post emancipation and its no doubt connected to the fact he Black family also is in the worst state it has ever been.
The Black Family Is Worse Off Today Than In the 1960’s, Report Shows
After hearing Dr. Francis Cress Welsing speak on a Black couple she counseled and how that Black couple thanked her for giving them tools to deal with the onslaught of racism and White supremacy and how this new perception of their relation ship helped save their marriage. The couple was simply saying by realizing there was a struggle and that they were in this struggle “together” they began to work “together” far better.
There is so much more I can say on this topic ,especially the dynamics behind it but ill do separate blogs on these later so…
In ending I will just quote Dr. Francis Cress Welsing
“By preventing black people from coming together harmoniously to produce self-respecting black children, you drive a wedge. You don’t talk about racism and white supremacy as a dynamic, you don’t talk about how those things cause black men’s unemployment and how a man cannot function as a husband and a father if he doesn’t have a job. He has to be employed, so by keeping the black man unemployed, you are really driving a wedge in the functionality of the Black family and weakening the next generation of black men.”
“BLACK LOVE IS A REVOLUTIONARY ACT”
-Dr. Francis Cress Welsing
As a Black man I can only advocate to my brothers to treat or sisters better and for our sisters to be a little more patient and understanding as we Black men make these changes -Shalom